Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
