Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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