i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
