my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
