Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
can u get pink eye on your cock?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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