ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
