Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
