OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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