He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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