If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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