Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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