areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Everclear isn't food dammit
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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