What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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