my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
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