people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
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