Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Randomize
