I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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