I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
