Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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