The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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