Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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