Umm I'm too high to move.
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
