I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I forget how to act sober
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
