you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
i think i just lost a toe
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
