I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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