hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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