Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
