I must be too annoying 4 u.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
