he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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