wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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