Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
