This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
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I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
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Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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