I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
