The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Small penises have feelings too.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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