Please, let me fuck your mom
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
