it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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