no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
