Im at strip club and am horny
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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