Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
