I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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