he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
