I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
