I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Randomize
