Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
