Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
