Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
