Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
