i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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