Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
