Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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