saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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