Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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