You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
