I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
