I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
