went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
