Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
