I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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