his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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