Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
