whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
