drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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