wrigley field is MILF paradise
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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