someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
