Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
