I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
