The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
