I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
