there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
