someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
