No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
