It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
