I'd wear matching sweaters with you
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
